A number of years ago I came home from work with some groceries, which was uncommon for me. Coming home from work was not uncommon, the grocery part was. This was enough of a deviation from my normal behavior to merit the Spanish Inquisition from the Department of Procurement. “What did you buy?” the missus asked, luring me into a spirited exchange which I had no choice but to enter.
“I have red Jello, green Jello and low fat whip cream.” I replied, knowing right away that my simple answer was not going to end the questioning.
“We have all that at home” she replied. Now I knew we didn’t have all that at home, but at least I knew better than to say that aloud.
“Why would you buy that?” she asked.
“The office is having a Christmas potluck and I was going to bring Jello, it’s an old family recipe” I replied. A weak attempt at humour that didn’t get a laugh, or a smirk or even the usual groan for that matter.
“You can’t bring Jello” she said, at this point I knew I was in a debate I was sure to lose.
“What’s wrong with Jello? Everybody loves Jello. Red and green Jello, with whip cream. That’s the most Christmassy thing in the world.” I tend exaggerate at times to make my point, don’t we all? I also generalize at times.
“How much does Jello cost?” she asked, luring me into a logic trap I would not emerge from.
“99₵?” I replied. “
“And whip cream, low fat?” I think I detected a touch of sarcasm in how she said “low fat”.
“$2.50”
“Everyone knows that Jello costs next to nothing and they’re all going to think you’re a cheap bastard” she stated, and that was the end of the debate.
I didn’t realize that was the end of the debate. I said “Everyone already knows I‘m a cheap bastard.”
Then she said, “You’re not taking Jello to a potluck.” At that point I realized that was the end of the debate.
And that is why I brought chicken wings from Sobeys to the Christmas potluck that year, and I left the price tag on the box.
Fit, that was fantastic. I have had those types of discussions in the past. This was spot on for the argument you KNOW you are going to lose. Love it.
Have you reviewed Harland Brewing Hazy IPA? San Diego micro. My new favorite!
Hey Ron, not the first argument I have lost and it won’t be the last based on my track record. Haven’t tried the Harland IPA but will keep an eye out for it. A glowing guest review would be most welcome.
I think a lot of men and women will relate to this short but spirited debate. I almost felt like I was telling this story for a second. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks Gilles, I hear you. The highschool debate club is no where near sufficient training for marriage.