Apologies and a tip of the baseball cap to Ernest Thayer.*
The outlook wasn’t brilliant for the Cranky Old Men that night,
A free beer bet was 12 pints short and time was getting tight.
Hutch had done some damage but had snapped his last cap,
And Rick had left to pick up dog crap and then take a nap.
Roy had two and then a few, and then another one,
But with ten still left to quaff, like dinner he was done.
The final count was out of reach, it was time to pay the round.
As the tab hit the table Hutch was nowhere to be found.
Rick was out cleaning up the yard,
As Roy pulled out his card.
Fonger said “If only JT were here,
He could down a dozen beer.”
But JT was MIA,
It looked like someone had to pay.
The machine was brought to the table, the total was a fright.
But at that very moment, much to their delight
In walked the mighty JT with keg and glass in tow
With a powerful thirst and his ten-pint lager, now we had a show.
Cranky old JT at the bar, the crowd knew he was their man,
They all knew when it came to beer, he’s the man that can.
A perfect first pour and it was downed, number two met the same fate.
The next few were poured and scored, but it was getting late.
Five to go, the tab on the line, and time was running short,
But good old JT’s form was fine, there goes another quart.
Number ten seemed within reach as the crowd cheered all the while.
That ten pint keg was down to two, JT killing it with style,
But with only one to go, just when the bet seemed won,
The last pint wasn’t pouring, the whole thing came undone.
JT paused and waivered and then they heard him say,
“I drank a practice keg this afternoon, and it was child’s play.”
Somewhere in this great land tapped kegs see tankards filled,
And topped off pints are served, with glasses chilled and swilled.
Somewhere beer bar bets are being won and happy drinkers shout,
But there is no joy in this bar tonight, mighty JT has passed out.
*Editor’s Comment: Ernest Thayer is the author of the poem “Casey at the Bat: A Ballad of the Republic, Sung in the Year 1888”.
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