*Formerly “The COMDB Guide to the Manly Art of BBQing”
Summertime, and the sights and smells around suburban North America are enough to make even the most stalwart vegetarian pale and lose their plant based cookies. Meat on the grill is basting, searing, braising, frying, boiling, scorching, and burning. The cranky old men who drink beer are quite familiar with the fine art of the BBQ, having been burning burgers and searing steaks for almost as long as they have been swilling suds. Here is their sage advice on the subject, ignore it at your own peril.
- A BBQ without beer is just a BBQ. Select a nice summertime quaff to execute a sizzle and swill. We would suggest a cold beer that you like and have in abundance.
2. Become familiar with your drinking speed so you can use it to monitor your cooking time.
3. Charred isn’t scarred and well done is well done.
4. Even that piece of meat that looks like it was directly in the lava path of Mount Vesuvius is not too burnt that it can’t be served after a bit of scraping.
5. Never skimp on the sauce. BBQ sauce too.
6. Always have sufficient beer icy cold in your beer fridge for your own needs and in case some of your beer mooching friends and neighbours come over. Keep the beers you aren’t partial to (hate) in order to foist them on those unwanted guests who drop by unannounced in hopes that they won’t come back or won’t ask for a second one.
7. It is OK to have a salty snack with your beer while BBQing. Contrary to popular opinion and the often stated one of the Department of Morality (the missus) it will not spoil your appetite. However constantly telling you it will spoil your appetite, will spoil your appetite.
8. A first aid tip. If you burn your hand while burning the chicken, put an ice cold beer in it (your hand that is, not the chicken).
9. No need to clean the grill of what accumulates over the summer before cooking. Just burn off the excess from your last disaster and enjoy the mix of meats, fats and sauces that are left. They add a unique flavour to every meal.
10. Flame is your friend. Hard to burn anything without a flame.
11. Flip meat as often as you want, its fun, and makes it seem like you are actually cooking and therefore deserving of an icy cold brew while slaving over a hot grill.
12. Be wary of guests that bring fizzy drinks or ciders and then ask you for a beer.
13. On a hot summer day BBQing on the deck it is hard to find a better pair of friends than a chilled glass and an icy brew.
14. Tunes are an important part of any BBQ experience. We prefer ours just loud enough to drown out any questions, complaints or harping about an unclean grill, spoiling your appetite, why would you need a second beer before dinner, or about the crappy beer you served to your unwanted guests.
15. When you are done remember to turn off the propane.
Editor’s Comment: This post is definitive proof that old age and wisdom are not necessarily synonymous.
Great list.
Any pointers on what to do when your meat falls off the rotisserie?
Or when an unwanted bear is attracted to see what all the to-do is about?
Excellent questions. Unfortunately the author of the guideline is unavailable to respond at this time. He is currently recovering from having suffered second degree burns, the details of the incident he declined to provide to us.
Wonderful tips. I’m just disappointed you didn’t rhyme off a good joke. 😁
You need to check out Different Strokes for Different Folks to see some different jokes, (see, I just rhymed off jokes) and maybe you will see one of your own jokes in there too! https://comdb.ca/different-strokes-for-different-folks/