It’s another defining moment in the history of COMDB. Touchy: someone who is easily offended, upset, or irritated. Could the cranky old men be described as touchy? If touchy means a very low tolerance for idiots than guilty as charged. But way back in the day we all had a high tolerance for idiots since some would say that’s what we were. I remember the old man implying just that in his round about way when he said, “You’re all idiots.”
Speaking of the old man, one of his favourite jokes, which he told many many times, was “You know what really burns my ass? A flame about 3 feet high.” “Ass” was not on his list of words not to use in front of the kids, but it was on my Mom’s list. So her response, which I heard quite often as well, was “El, not in front of the children.” These days my 96 year old mother has no qualms about using some language far spicier than “ass” in front of me.
But what really burns my ass are these no signal Nancys and the late signal Larrys. And those Tokyo drifters on the 401 who think the right lane is the passing lane. Or that pickup truck I’m stuck behind in the Timmies drive through ordering lunch and dinner for the whole crew turns my crank counterclockwise too. And those pigeons on the sidewalk seemingly oblivious to my walking path. One of these days I’m going to drop kick one of those dopey doves. *
Or our buffalo breathed ankle humping butt dragging sorry excuse for a hound that I have to walk just when I’m half way through a pint and the Leafs go into OT in a playoff game. ** And whine drinkers, what’s that all about? Give me a stein of Becks any day before those grapes of wrath. *** And of course, a flame about three feet high.
One thing I’m not that touchy about is beer. Quaffing a cold one makes all of us COM a little less cranky. I like all beer, just some more than others. The question isn’t whether I’ll like it, it’s how much I like it. ****
It turns out that not only is beer, in moderation, good for your heart, it’s good for your head too. But in the immortal words of Oscar Wilde, “Everything in moderation, including moderation.” As Iggy Pop would say, that Oscar sounds like a real Wilde child. *****
Yes, I’m a bit touchy these days, what’s it to you. *****
*Editor’s Comment: Doves and pigeons are the same bird. But kicking pigeons on the sidewalk? Touched in the head perhaps.
**Editor’s Comment: Sounds like your rage isn’t confined to the present.
***Editor’s Comment: The Grapes of Wrath is a 1939 Pulitzer Price winning novel by John Steinbeck.
****Editor’s Comment: Of the 1726 beer reviews to date only 91 (5.2%) have rated as poor pours, the dregs, or unrateable.
*****Editor’s Comment: The 1958 song “Wild One” was written and recorded by Australian rocker Johnny O’Keefe and is credited as the first Australian rock n’ roll song. Iggy Pop’s 1986 cover was a top ten hit in the US. Other notable covers of the song include Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, Jerry Lee Lewis, Status Quo, and Teenage Head. The cartoon band Josie and the Pussycats also covered a toned-down version of the song.
*****Editor’s Comment: Sounds like a touchy subject. Where subject could be the topic or the person. I don’t pat myself on the back enough, but that was rather clever if I do say so myself.
*****Ranter’s Comment: You know what really pisses me off. When our Egghead Editor feels it necessary to explain a joke that’s not funny to start with, rendering it not just not funny, but downright irritating too.
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