We recently survived Black Friday, so named because that’s the day your bank account starts in the black and ends up in the red, And just in case you had any money left over, now they’ve come up with Cyber Monday and Giving Tuesday! Tis the season to give and receive …… and believe! That’s right, it’s all a harbinger to carol singers and bell ringers and the big gift bringer, the main elf himself, Santa Claus.
Our grandkids are 11, 12 and 17 and when we get their Christmas wish lists complete with QR codes you know they’re tech savvy. They don’t believe in Santa anymore, but anything on YouTube or Tik Tok is citable. I ask them why they believe this confluence of under the influence influencers. They tell me “because they’re rich.” I thought that was pretty rich. We all know that the wealthy always tell the truth, don’t we. Don’t we?
The Department of Joy and Mirth has already shopped till she dropped. And believe me, the Missus can drop a grand faster than a drunken piano mover. She also has the interior decorated to beat the Santa Claus parade marching band, the pine scented candles incensed, and the holiday music channel playing all day and a good part of oh holy night too. Our house has more nativity scenes than downtown Salt Lake City.*
Unfortunately those red and white outdoor lights weren’t going to put themselves up, as I was reminded by everyone in the household on numerous occasions. A Weekend job was my pat response but even Pat was beginning to doubt me.
So after a few trips to Home Depot, I was all geared up for a light show the likes of which haven’t been seen since that Kiss concert in ‘76.**
Ladders on the ready with light strings and all the fixin’s. I had visualized a quick and easy install. I have also visualized a good game of golf and catching fish and have come to realize that visualization is a somewhat overrated technique for achieving a successful outcome.
It turned out that the universal light clips that according to the package can clip on to any eavestrough, shingle or other creative cornice known to man or beast…..didn’t fit mine. Time for Plan B, Plan B was have a beer while I figured out a new Plan A.
They say that pride proceeds a fall,*** so I didn’t want to do too good a job while working on that ladder.
When it was finally done I asked my granddaughter what she thought of my sparkling spectacle of lights.
GD: We should get a Grinch inflatable to go in the yard.
Me: That would be nice.
GD: and a sign that says “Christmas lights by the Grinch”.
With smart ass comments like that those grandkids better be smart enough to get scholarships. My much better half (as most people are quick to remind me) was less creative. She simply said that it looked like they were put up by a drunken light hanger. Little did she know. Or did she know?****
As far as I was concerned, I thought it was unique and different. On a street where all the lights were nicely lined up we had lights with some ups and downs, some swoops and curves, the randomness of it all was a statement of rugged individuality….. or moderate incompetency. I would like to think the former. *****
But in the spirit of Christmas we harken, not unlike the angels, to some traditions that are near and dear to our hearts. And when it comes to Christmas traditions you know what that means. Yes, any day now I expect to get a visit from Bud, the Elf on the Beer Shelf. Although he is not yet here in the flesh, or in the cloth as may be the case, he will soon be here in spirit with some spirited spirits.
The lights are still up for now and they look pretty good if I say so myself, because no one else will.
Tis the season to believe, and I believe I’ll have another beer….. and make a toast to a safe, happy and healthy holiday season for one and all.
*Editor’s Comment: Salt Lake City downtown is beautifully decorated for the holiday season, the main feature being the Temple Square.
**Editor’s Comment: Kiss played two concerts in Toronto in 1976 as part of their Destroyer tour. Blue Oyster Cult was one of the opening acts. During the second concert at Varsity Stadium a riot occurred.
***Editor’s Comment: Proverbs 16:18.“Pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall,”
****Editor’s Comment: To be clear, he wasn’t drunk when he put up those Christmas lights, the final product just makes it look like he was.
*****Editor’s Comment: It would be more realistic to assume the later.
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