Me and BTO rollin’ on down the highway, working on my left arm tan. Destination, Greater metropolitan Madoc* and the West Highland golf course for the COMDB AGM (Annual Golf Meeting). Six cranky old men assaulted the course with a hook and a slice and a walk in the woods with Mr. Mulligan. More lost balls than a eunuch convention. Of course, the golf is just a way to pace ourselves for the evening imbibing to follow.
Upon arrival at JT’s cottage, hydration was a priority while we quickly addressed the formalities, the barely anticipated annual report.
Safety: One medical aid injury to report. JF burnt his foot while on fire control back home (he was Barbequing) and wasn’t able to navigate the golf course. The field dressing looked legit. The doctor prescribed plenty of fluids and aspirin in the morning. You may well wonder how someone burns their foot while BBQing, we certainly did. He explained how the injury occurred but by that time we were in sampling mode so the details are as sketchy as the golf scores.
Financials: The accounting department has modified the reporting format. This year they presented The Loss Statement and The Unbalanced Sheet. Once again revenue was zero and expenses continued to climb. There was an impressive inventory at the start of the evening, however it was substantially depleted by the next day. One might even say it was liquidated.
Forecast: Sunshine, cooling off in the evening, perfect weather for a late summer outdoor quaffing session.
The bored directors were satisfied with the annual reporting and were eager to commence sampling. There were more than 20 different beers on ice, from 3 different provinces as well as a few questionable US candidates and a UK stalwart.
Fonger was already on a roll, and we all know that heavy is the head the next morning that drinks all the Crown the night before,** so JT took the reporting reins.
When all was said and sampled, and everyone was done like dinner, we had formal rating records for 11 beers.
At a sampling intermission (pouring the next beer) Farmer Steve did his best Jack Palance impersonation*** by hitting the deck and doing pushups.He was planning on 20 which at his advanced age would be quite a feat. He could well have done 20, but we lost count when we lost interest.
Jack Palance’s at 73 years young doing his one arm pushups acceptance speech for his Best Supporting Actor Oscar.
The other temporary distraction was a rousing game of two up two down, a card game that accurately describes my pushup capacity.
And now the sampling results, or as Perry Mason would say “let the records show”. This year the COM were as stingy with their pouring scoring as the golf course was with its pars.
Here are the winners (and losers) in the following categories:
Highest Rating: Winner, winner lasagna dinner.
Cowbell’s Experimental IPA had Farmer Steve dancing (when not doing pushups) and received comments of “piney smooth and peachy.” Lock Street’s Portside Pilsner got rave reviews as well with such verbose comments as “I like it”. The two brews were neck and neck and the only samplings approaching super suds status.
Coolest Name: “A Long Dark Voyage to Uranus” was not in the competition this year.
A tie between Flying Boats “Evil Lover” which spurred some wistful reminiscing, and then a discussion about Taylor Swift’s next song. And Tooth & Nail’s “Fog Ducker” which was pronounced incorrectly on numerous occasions throughout the evening.
How Low Can You Go: What you find under the bottom of the barrel.
El Jefe Preview Mexican Lager (7-62 Brewery) was a unanimous low go no go, resulting in an average “dregs” rating. It was an early release “preview” brew which we can only assume (or hope) had not reached its full potential. One comment was it was “unscorable” but it turns out it was scorable as horrible. Might have needed a lime?
The COMDB 4th AGM is in the books and we are now fully recovered and in training for Oktoberfest.
We close it with a Prosit. Cheers.
*Editor’s Comment: Madoc, Ontario population 2,474
**Editor’s Comment: The modern-day idiom “heavy is the head that wears the crown” is paraphrased from Shakespeare’s Henry IV Part 2. It means with great power comes great responsibility and is not in reference to drinking too much Crown Royal.
***Editor’s Comment: At the age of 73 Jack Palance went up to the podium to accept his 1991 Best Supporting Actor Oscar for his role in “City Slickers”. Halfway through his acceptance speech he dropped and did three one arm pushups, to prove he was not too old to play old people in movies, then got back up to finish his speech.
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