Some of us COM have been married for as long as we can remember, and then some. The “then some” can become a problem when trying to remember an anniversary, a favourite food, or the colour of her eyes. A long, long time, or maybe it just seems that way? Either way, by sheer longevity we are qualified to provide you with some battle proven tactics on how to survive a long marriage.
If you’re looking for the secret to a happy marriage, they call it a secret for a reason.
Quality time apart. Everyone talks about quality time together but that can be a challenge for many of us. Take me for example. The wife likes to drink tea, knit, garden and watch ER. I like to drink beer, fish, shoot pool and watch sports. When she talks about a “ball band” I get concerned about what she’s knitting. When I say “good catch Travis” she thinks I’m talking about Taylor Swift.
A job that involves travel can help. When someone asked my wife how she put up with me for 40 plus years (a rather rude but fair question) she said “he was only around for half of them”.
A healthy bank account. We all know that financial stress can play havoc on any relationship. You need to have enough money so that the pain of a 50/50 split will be more than you can bear. Consider this conversation.
Me: Sorry, count me out. I can’t afford the alimony.
RA: I can.
The exception to this rule is anyone who has more than twice as much money than they know what to do with.
Become allies. The best way I know to become allies is to find a common enemy. The kids are an obvious choice, but if you are fond of them, as I hear some parents are, then a neighbour or a politician can also fit the bill.
Make friends with your in-laws. Behind every successful man is a surprised Mother-in-law. When your much better half is complaining to her Mother about you, you need your wife for life’s Mom to be on your side.
Lower your expectations. “I beg your pardon, I never promised you a rose garden”. Ol’ Lynne Anderson wasn’t lyin’.* Do you know what a Harlequin is? No, it’s not the Joker’s girlfriend. It’s an Italian jester laughing his ass off at you for reading those stupid romance novels. ** Hollywood love stories are about as realistic as a Mission Impossible movie. Time to keep it real and lower your expectations a bit. After all, she lowered hers when she married you.
Date night. On date night don’t drink more than one beer and try not to schedule it during a playoff game. You may have figured out that I’m speaking from experience here.
Sharing: What’s mine is ours and what hers isn’t yours. An old friend who was getting married (for the first time), asked me for some advice.
JS: What kind of budget did you establish for your wife?
Me: Rookie.
Needless to say, his first marriage didn’t last.
Communication. Let’s face it, you may not be hard of hearing but sometimes you’re tired of it.
When you think you hear her say “beer and lunch” it’s most likely she’s actually saying “brunch”.
Arguments: My old man thought she was the right one, her Mom thought I was the wrong one. When it comes to arguments it turns out they were both right.
Ol’ Kenny Rogers told us that you have to know when to hold them and know when to fold them.*** Excellent advice when arguing with your more significant other.
My hand.
Her hand
Concede arguments early, knowing that in most cases she will be right. When she says “I would agree with you but then we’d both be wrong” you can be fairly certain it’s an argument you aren’t going to win.
Be responsive to your partners needs. I remember being on a job site and one of my people said he had to get home right away, that it was a family emergency. Concerned, I asked what the problem was. He said “my wife called and said she would be sleeping with someone tonight and if I got home in time it would be me.” We got him on the next plane.
Maintain the romance: When it comes to romance, I’m not much of an expert on the subject. I will defer to Henny Youngman **** who offered us this pearl of marital wisdom on the secret of his long marriage. “We take time to go to a nice restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, soft music, dinner and dancing. She goes Tuesday, I go Friday.”
And finally, the most important piece of advice we can give.
Don’t take relationship advice from a beer review website. I believe this statement is self-explanatory.
Editor’s Comment: The Lockhorns have been together since 1968 and are still going strong 57 years later.
*Editor’s Comment: The song “Rose Garden” by Joe South became a cross over hit for Lynne Anderson in 1970 and earned her a Grammy.
**Editor’s Comment: Harley Quinn (Dr. Harleen Frances Quinzel, PhD) is a fictional DC Comic character and the girlfriend/sidekick to The Joker. Harlequin Romance novels began publishing in 1949. The company publishes as many as 100 new titles a month and although there is no exact count on how many are out there, the number published is probably in the tens of thousands. An actual Harlequin is a stock role as a comic servant character originating in Italian theater of the 16th century.
***Editor’s Comment: The song “The Gambler” was written by Don Schlitz and recorded by Kenny Rogers in 1978. A hit on both the country and pop charts it earned Rogers a Grammy.
****Editor’s Comment: Henny Youngman was married to Sadie for 59 years, from1928 until her death did them part in 1987.
Thanks for the 😃, 53 years and counting for Helen and me.
When asked, we tell people neither of us wanted custody of our two teenage daughters but we both wanted the dog.
Brian, I think the dog should be yours being “man’s best friend”.
Brilliant write up Roy with sound advise. After 2 failed marriages whole heartedly agree with all points raised. A note on the topic of arguments – at a certain level of maturity arguments don’t exist. Being an aries my first two marriages bled out on perpetual arguments over topics none of us had control of. In the 3rd one, if I disagree, I swallow the kneejerk answer and just say “yes dear”. End of argument…lol
Ferenc, thanks for the feedback. Sounds like you could write an interesting guide on the do’s and don’ts yourself.
OK, favourite parts…”the common enemy, kids”, so love this. Picture of the Cone of Silence…I’m watching Get Smart tonight!!!! How old are you when you are referencing Henny Youngman…who is your audience and are they still alive?
Henny Youngman born 1906, passed away in 1998. Does that make his last name an oxymoron?