Our marketing department (JT) suggested we get a celebrity spokesperson to promote our website and brand. All us cranky old men were on board. We reminisced about OJ and Hertz (accused of murder but never convicted) or Bill Cosby and Jello (BYOB to Bill’s parties) or Lance Armstrong and Nike (he got caught doping didn’t he). Despite these somewhat disturbing recollections we all agreed it would be a great idea.
Someone mentioned Snoop Dogg, who is presently a spokesperson for Corona and introducing all of us to “the fine life”. “The High Life” seems like a better byline for Snoop but Miller has dibs on that. It sure looked like a good fit. Our editor disagreed, feeling that anyone who was such a poor speller wouldn’t be a great role model. The copious amounts of weed he smokes was also a concern. And since he got $5M USD for his Corona endorsements his swizzle was a bit out of our price range.
Alice Cooper was a staunch Bud drinker in his day, perhaps he would do it. He is old and looks cranky and may not be as expensive as Snoop. However, it appears that Vincent Damon Furnier (AC) has been sober for 37 years now. Perhaps a longterm abstainer would not fit the bill either.
What about Rhianna. It is well known that she likes to quaff a beer or two. She is very popular with the young crowd (she is 34). She is also very attractive which made her a popular option with the COM although none of them recognized any of her music. A little more research determined that she is currently pregnant. Our editor mentioned that a pregnant woman promoting alchohol in this day and age may not be looked upon favourably, despite the fact that all of the COM’s mothers probably had a drink or two while carrying their progenies.
It was at this point that our Chief Financial Officer advised us that the celebrity spokesperson budget was actually zero. It was immediately recognized that this substantially reduced our options. It appears that the only free spokes people we were able to attract were politicians during an election. We all agreed that these were even poorer role models than some of our initial ideas.
We have put our celebrity spokesperson search on hold for now.
Donald Trump – cranky, old, unemployed and doesn’t need COM dough. Might go off script though – everything has a little risk.
Thank you for your thoughtful suggestion which we will take into consideration. However we expect that a former President of any organization, let alone a country, would have nothing to do with this website.