Previously, in some hard-hitting investigative journalism, we looked into the Brew Dog golden ticket fiasco. That set the stage for our Pulitzer-prize winning* rant on outrageous claims and the marketing mavens blatant disregard for facts and truth when it comes to advertising.
The case in point was a TV ad in which a pickup truck scaled a very steep mountain like it was a speed bump and beat a helicopter to the top.
My old buddy Scotty C, who is neither old (relatively speaking) nor cranky (relatively speaking) set me straight when it comes to all this marketing mayhem. You see Scott knows his marketing like nobody’s business, because it is his business. He told me “Remember in marketing, we tell the truth provocatively. When you drive that beautiful new truck, you can feel yourself scaling that mountain and beating the helicopter.”
Provocative truth telling. I love it. How about old Rhymin’ Simon’s advice, to include some tenderness in your honesty.** Or what I heard in a Government meeting when there was a budget cut where they had promised there wouldn’t be any cuts. They said that promise was a “point in time commitment”. I wonder if the bank would consider that as an explanation instead of a mortgage foreclosure? It does sound like a good description of marriage vows these days.
Mary Poppins called them “pie crust promises, easily made, easily broken”.
Back to our mountain climbing pickup. If I understand this whole marketing concept what the marketing mavens are telling me is that when I drive that beautiful new truck I will feel young (like I once was) and beautiful (like I never was) and I will be one of the cool kids (like I always wished I was). I get it. The mountain I am really driving up is the mountain of my hopes and dreams and self-esteem and this brand of truck will get me to the top!
But in “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance” Pirsig said “The only Zen you find at the top of the mountain is the Zen you bring up there”. If I understand Pirsig correctly you could drive that truck up the mountain or ride a goat up there and how you feel at the top would depend on you.
Of course, you would have a better chance of getting in with the cool kids by driving a brand new pickup up there. Goat herders are more well known as loners and rugged individualists than they are for their social skills.***
So now I am attune to the myriad of marketing machinations and ready to start shopping for a new pickup truck. Cool kids here I come.
*Editor’s Comment: We are very proud that we won a Pulitzer Prize for the article. John from Pulitzer (no last name given) called and told us about the win. He said all we have to do to get the prize money is give him a few banking details and it would be deposited shortly. We were so excited we were happy to give him the info. I couldn’t place the accent but he sounded like a trustworthy person over the phone. We haven’t seen the money yet but it should be coming in any day now.
**Editor’s Comment: In his 1973 song “Tenderness”, Paul Simon wanted some tenderness to go along with the honesty. “I know you see through me. But there’s no tenderness. Beneath your honesty.” Perhaps he was referring to his 1969 to 1975 marriage to Peggy Harper. A few years later he began a relationship with Carrie Fisher during the height of her Star Wars fame which he described as “exhausting” They were eventually married in August 1983 and by July 1984 they were divorced. After their divorce they continued to date on and off for a number of years. What’s that all about, I mean, honestly.
***Editor’s Comment: This website is not meant to disparage goat herders or discriminate against them. It is the author’s opinion and not based on fact, as is so often that case with his rants. It is only one of his many discriminatory comments, which we have found previously are not only limited to goat herders, but also include wine drinkers and rowing teams.
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