The recent proposal of the USA to annex Canada has left all of us Canadians in quite a state of the union.
I love the USA, but, and this is a Cardi B size butt, I want to visit it, not become it. Visit the USA that is, not Cardi B’s butt.[1]
I like saying Eh at the end of every sentence instead of u-all. I think spelling words with an extra “u” or an extra “l” is a well travelled honour. I enjoy understanding hockey. And what will become of milk bags?
Texas won’t be the largest state anymore and you don’t want to get Texas pissed off at you. With 31 million guns in the state they are armed and some would say dangerous.[2]
I wonder what Texas would do if New Mexico wasn’t just next to them, but tried to annex them. Anybody remember the Alamo?
Check out this bumper sticker.
Learning feet and inches wouldn’t be a big a problem for us baby boomers, but for any Canadian under 60, it would be quite a met-trick.[3]
That being said, I’m not sure I would even know anymore what two feet of snow actually looks like .
Would Quebec be a distinct society within a distinct society? Of course Quebec has the power, literally.[4]
And what of Tim Hortons? I cheer for the Raptors but I would rather have a hockey themed coffee shop than a basketball one like Dunkin’ Donuts.[5]
Most of us are in debt enough as it is, but when it comes to the National debt, being American our debt would be $454,000 CDN for every US taxpayer. That’s more than 6 times Canada’s present national debt per taxpayer of $71,600 CDN.[6]
That kind of debt to society sounds criminal. Or as one famous American, Bruce Springsteen, would say “I got the kind of debts that no honest man can pay.”[7]
With that kind of National debt I doubt I would get a refund on my Nexus card.
Speaking of money, are we going to start using pennies again, after being nickeled and dimed in 2012? That’s when the penny dropped in Canada, but the US still love their Lincolns. [8]
Most people find change difficult to deal with at the best of times, although going back to the penny does make more cents,
And in Canada, or anywhere else in the world for that matter, it’s “zed”, not “zee”. Must we relearn the alphabet due to an American shibboleth? If you don’t know what a shibboleth is maybe our egghead editor can help you out. [9]
And while I’m still Canadian, I must thank you for reading this, and apologize to anyone I may have offended (except for our Editor of course).
Thank you and I’m sorry.
I love visiting the US, but I love being Canadian more, Eh.
Editor’s Comment: For a more serious look at this topic refer to Jean Chretien’s rant published in the Globe and Mail on January 11th, 2025.
[1] Editor’s Comment: In 2014 Cardi B had gluteal (buttocks) augmentation through silicon injections which she had stated she had done in a basement for $800. Liquid silicon for such an operation tends to cure into a flexible durable material. In 2022 she began the process of surgically removing the silicon. In the fall of 2024 the 31 year old mother of three let her fans know that she had more of her silicon butt removed. I doubt that decreases the size of the “but” that this rant refers to.
[2] Editor’s Comment: Canada has an estimated 12 million guns in civilian hands, while the US has 392 million or 120.5 firearms for every 100 people. With a population of 30 million, and based on the National average, Texas would be packing 31 million guns. Of course, ever since January 3, 1959 Texas has not been the largest state, in terms of area Alaska has that title. Texas also comes second in population behind California. If Canada were the 51st state it would be the largest state in terms of both area and population with 41.5 million residents versus California’s 39.4 million.
[3] Editor’s Comment: Canada officially converted to the metric system on April 1st, 1975.
[4] Editor’s Comment: Quebec supplies approximately 22.6 trillion watt hours of electricity to the US each year.
[5] Editor’s Comment: The correct spelling is doughnut, but even Timmies sells donuts.
[6] Editor’s Comment: Based on total populations the per capita National debt in the USA is $150,000 CDN versus $33,000 CDN in Canada. If you look at the debt per people who actually pay taxes (as opposed to those who file and pay nothing or don’t file at all) the US would have a national debt of $454,000 CDN for every US taxpayer. Canada’s present national debt per taxpayer would be $71,600 CDN.
[7] Editor’s Comment: From the song “Atlantic City” by Bruce Springsteen from his 1982 album Nebraska. Although Springsteen is not exactly in dire straits when it comes to money. In 2021 he sold his songbook to the Sony Music Company for an estimated $550 Million USD, including fittingly the song “Pay My Money Down”.
[8] Editor’s Comment: In the US in 2021 a penny cost 2.1 cents to produce. Making cents makes no sense. Minting of pennies in Canada was discontinued in 2013. Several bills introduced in the U.S. Congress would have ceased production of pennies, but none have been approved. A recent US poll has 68% of the public in favour of keeping the penny. The US love their Lincolns.
[9]Editor’s Comment: A shibboleth is a way of speaking (a pronunciation, or the use of a particular expression) that is used by one set of people to identify another person as a member, or a non-member, of a particular group.
Hm, you say 52nd state. Thought it’s 51st? Anyway. Very clever.
Good catch Sam. On June 26, 2020, the United States House of Representatives voted 232–180 in favor of statehood for Washington, D.C. which would be the 51st state. It still has to be passed by the Senate and signed into law by the President, so you are right, there are still only 50 states.