I’m still recovering from a wild New Year’s Eve at our place. After devouring that shrimp ring it was time for a board game with the grandkids, or as they like to call it “a bored game”.
Our planned evening of “13 Dead End Drive” didn’t go anywhere. It seems that dice and trap door cards can’t compete the ultra violence and deeply closeted moral messages of a Cobra Kai binging session.
So the Department of Shady Deals and I sat down to a rousing game of cribbage, her shuffle, my cut, and her rules. When it comes to crib (and coincidentally life) you can count on her to count more than me. Seeing her joy at pegging and whipping my ass made up for my pain from losing. That didn’t sound quite right now, did it? Not to fear, it wasn’t a 50 shades of gray evening, there was no need to even draw the shades.
Anyway, next on the list of activities for the big night was a brew and the game. Going green with an Irish Stout, toasting in the new year with the luck of the Irish. Although we aren’t too sure how lucky the Irish really are, with all the wars, potato famines, and Bono too. *
We didn’t make it until midnight, so we missed the Mid Manhattan hernia (the Times Square Ball Drop), but we figured it must be 12 o’clock somewhere.
On the COMDB group chat we toasted the end of another trip around the sun and passed around pleasantries. I had previously proposed a list of resolutions that we were guaranteed to fail at, since I was under the impression these days that failing was the path to success.
Failing forward fast didn’t seem to strike a chord with JF, who being old school, proposed an alternate approach. The three simple group resolutions he proposed were to; eat more, exercise less, and watch more sports.
Fonger, our tokin’ non beer drinker proposed “smoke more” but we decided that could be a personal rather than group resolution. JF’s three tabled resolutions were quickly adopted by the COM and although it’s early in the year, 5 days in none of us have broken any New Year’s resolutions yet, a new record.
Let’s recap my previous resolutions which were all seen as opportunities for failure, failing forward fast in this modern day being touted as the ultimate path to success. It should be noted that we have not yet determined whether failing to fail represents a failure or a success.
- Watch the Leafs bring home the cup again, this time in colour.
I have watched the Leafs again, and in colour, so not a total failure.
2. Finish the book “End Procrastination” which I got for Christmas 3 years ago.
When I finally got around to this book I found out it was in fact a library book, a fine situation that was.
3. The Beachball Fitness Program™. **
Interestingly enough, this program follows JF’s proposed resolutions very closely. I can say without any shame or consternation that I failed to fail at this resolution.
4. Run for office.
That one was a joke, which coincidentally is what we could say about a number of elected officials these days.
5. Clean my office.
I did that once but it didn’t stick, although something on my desk did.
6. Hydrate:
1225 beer reviews later, mission accomplished.
As you can see, these opportunities for failure were marred by the occasional accidental occurrence of semi-successes. No worries, Although we are aiming for success with our group resolutions, I anticipate this year will have as many opportunities for personal goal failure as any other year would have, and I won’t squander those opportunities again.
Happy New Year.
*Editor’s Comment: As far as the luck of the Irish goes, after plagues, Viking attacks, Anglo-Norman conquests and reconquests, rebellions, revolutions, indentured labour, famines, and the IRA unrest and battles with England, it’s not clear how lucky the Irish are. And yes, Bono and his band U2 are from Dublin, Ireland.
**Reviewer’s Comment: As an alternate to the Beachbody program, I developed the Beachball Fitness Program™ as an exercise program for the rest of us. I did my research and found out that muscle is denser than fat, so a pound of muscle should be heavier than a pound of fat, right?1 So, if I eat what I want (chips and dip) and drink what I want (craft beer) and do what I want (not exercise) and gradually replace muscle with fat I should lose or at least maintain my present body weight. I don’t need much muscle to pull in a 4 pound bass. So far my program has been working out, and I haven’t.
1Editor’s Comment: It appears that our reviewer is denser than both muscle and fat.
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